. swim beyond the imagery

29 April 2008

Reckless abandon?

Politics has always been a passion for me, at least since a time when I could actually pick up a newspaper and read.

There was some interest early on. JFK captured my attention when first elected - a distinctive voice, from the general area (New England), not to mention witty and amusing. So not otherwise giving a hoot beyond knowing the president was La Grande Fromage of the US, he was simply an idol. The Cuban  Missile Crisis, and unfortunately his assassination, all captured my interest, but not on a level one might find in adulthood.

My first real interest in actually following a news story came with the Six Day War in 1967. 12 at the time, there was drama, there was geopolitical consequences, and there was quick resolution to the immediate conflagration.

It has pretty much been this way ever since.  Currently I co-host a political  debate message board, but something has gone missing. Over the past several months, my involvement there, this in the middle of the most contentious cycle of American politics, has dwindled to a few posts a week. My interest in reading stories, hearing news stories, etc... has been similarly diminished.

Why nelle, you look a bit feverish.


Not really. Came primary season. We are second up after the Iowa caucuses, and my vote was slipped in the scanner almost 4 months ago now. Since then, Hillary & Co, and Barack & Co, have worked to show which one is best able to insult the other. If my reaction to all this remained physical, I'd be rolling my eyes 24 hours a day.

Pssst. H & B... everything I hope for in a leader, and have been frustrated at each turn in seeing come to reality, is being shredded and tossed to the wind. An ideal leader for me? Is there anyone I know who does not know that Barbara Jordan was a political goddess to me? She is your aspiration unsought.

Mix that with my move toward reiki, and it was rather easy to tune it out.

Am I interested? Yes. Am I disappointed? Yes. What is my hope? Can we elect someone posthumously? And more importantly, have we developed the technology to let them serve for 8 years from wherever they are?

Can I take these two illustrious candidates, and can I make them watch video of the Watergate hearings or a speech from the 1976 Democratic convention? One need not say a thing thereafter. Watch Barbara work, and tell me she isn't the most brilliant politician we never had the chance to elect to national office. Since we can't have her, maybe by watching the tape, one of these two will figure it out.

Roll tape. And Hillary, no you can't make paper aeroplanes.

Postscript


When I started writing this, it was with the intent to ponder my own adopted informational indifference to the current state of this election campaign. Is this dangerous, am I simply bending at the waist and inserting my head deep into a cover of sand? Ah, but the flow of words had other ideas, and actually something to say.

48 years of some level of interest fades not abruptly, rather unseeingly slow. .

28 April 2008

The reality of Myth

A bit over 4 years ago, I drove off to see my daughter's new condo. Little did I know then that time would be the last the two of us would gather together up to this point in either of our homes.

On the drive, I listened to a cd I'd picked up - Delerium's Poem. Originally led to it by my love of the song Silence, which featured Sarah McLachlan, the 9 of the 10 remaining songs were completely enthralling. To this day, it is my favourite cd overall, though Beth Orton is my favourite artist.

Amazingly, I've never fully delved into the lyrics of many of the songs, even as I loved them. Today, I just happened to read the lyrcis to Myth, and well... it was stunning.

I couldn't help but feel someone with access to a telepathic recording of my childhood had taken the essence of my thoughts and distilled them down into a song. In this case, that someone was Francesca Longrigg, and now I'm going to have to do some searching on her music.

So what did Francesca write, nelle?

It's a weird game.
i'm lonely without skin.
no end to begin and only
your mind to hide in.
i nudge life.
like an unborn child. a dream
inside but now i live behind your eyes.
i'm uninvited. and i'm only
a memory that comes through.

i'm living in your dreams.
i'm where you cannot be.
i'm way out of your reach.

i'm living in your dreams.
i'm where you cannot see.
is it you or is it me?

i can't protect what you can't forget.
but now i live behind your eyes.
you recognize me as only a memory
that comes through.

i'm living in your dreams.
i'm where you cannot go.
beyond everything you know.
i'm living in your dreams.
you won't find me anywhere.
i've vanished in the air.

24 April 2008

So what's your vision (of my nose?)

The countdown to my nose surgery is winding down. The clock started ticking at 68 days, and as of this moment, we are at 13.

To recap, my nose is being roto-rooted, retooled, and reformulated. A new nose inside and out.

With a pretty good idea of the rooting and retooling, it was with the reformulating in mind that I requested a final meet up with the surgeon, and we did so yesterday.

So what's your vision, doc?

He gave a descriptive, but being a visually dependent sort, we moved into seeing before and after pics of some of his past patients who had similar work done.

His vision is simple: subtle, not monumental changes. Where there is a slight crowning mid-nose, there will be a slight dip. That is basically the outside work summarised.

We reviewed other things of which he should be aware (one that quite surprised him - Max, think of bicycles and that tree what left us laughing) including my need to do a bit of reiki pre-surgery. We discussed amount of time I'll be there (4 hours), and what to expect in the aftermath.

13 days to go, and while I'm naturally apprehensive about surgery, at least now I have a comfort level with all that will be done.

22 April 2008

The Optimism of Spring

In my first decade of life, spring wasn't something you contemplated, it was something you experienced.

There was no perspective, nothing with which to compare historically. It was as it was for those years. Winter snows melted, we pulled off our winter armour, we pulled off heavy windows, and we breathed in the warming air.

We were out of doors creatures of all seasons then - we didn't hibernate in our homes unless not understanding parents left us no choice. Still, a winter season was like a year to an adult - it went on and on and on, while summer flew by with the rapidity of the fastest of our bicycles rolling down our steepest hill.

Now the seasons move more quickly, but the optimism of spring remains a constant. At a time of year where the average high temperature is 60°, we've been running 65-80° for the better part of a week. And over the next two days we push the higher limits of that range.

This is when the ice of our ponds and lakes surrenders to the strength of the sun and warming air, when thick overcoats are tucked away and lighter fare - or no jacket at all - graces our bodies. For those of us born bereft of gaydar and thus more visually dependent, it is a time to take a deep breath and enjoy what our sensory limitations have wrought. :)

This is an interesting year, because the optimism of spring is coupled to the advent of reiki in my life, so it
is kind of kewl to contemplate the juxtaposition of the two. I've been wrestling over applying for, then withdrawing my application, for a position that is my dream job. It is the right way to go, but the flip side is it is a sad way to go as well. Ah, but I turn towards the light, ponder the logic, and trust in where I've placed my life.

So come on flowers, come on grass... um... lawn grass... come on lakes, come on my favourite of all birds - our loons - sweep me away (before the mosquitoes find me.)

21 April 2008

Tires are tired

I've noticed one of my front tires is a bit distressed, as in rather absent much tread. ruh roh...

Time to call the tire place tomorrow and order a new one. Every time I do, the price goes up $30 due to the rising cost of oil... so this should require either a mortgage or a Powerball win.

So I've been lazy and not had the car aligned, guess that should be a summer chore. I've sensed the tire was nearing the end of its shelf life, as higher speeds no longer produce a smooth ride, so tire is saying 'slow down or I'll blow!"

And I'm personally tired from a wonderful reiki session last night. Here I thought we'd be done at nine, but Beth wished to send a healthy dose of reiki my way, and it was surely appreciated... leaving me feel wonderfully upon finishing. So I need to delve into reiki a bit earlier tonight, and get some rest.

16 April 2008

Tragedy in the sign; tragedy averted

I'm running a bit late, but well... had to get my session in first, then realised thereafter I'd meant to commit this to screen.

Last week, two teenagers in the area in which I work lost their lives in a tragic car accident. As I was leaving the community this evening, a local business had words of sympathy on their sign; the names of both were displaced. In a small community, such loss hits very very hard, and it is very very sobering.

I couldn't help but be moved by the sign, by what it implied, what it reflected. When I was in college, the city the school was located in had coloured lamps on the village square. I forget the sequence now, but a certain colour implied injury, another death to one of their own.

That was the sort of feeling I felt today, though the signage was more direct and to the point.

Less than 10 minutes later, I was calling 911.

On a winding stretch of a very busy two lane road at commute time, on a rather blind curve (the road essentially parallels the lake at this point) a woman was in my lane of travel, a couple of feet on the pavement - and there is no breakdown lane on this road. She was walking backward, taking these baby steps, with thumb out hitching. The way she was moving, the expression on her face left me feeling something was not right here.

And not only was there a sense of something amiss and askew, she was moving rather unsteadily in a lane of traffic where she could easily be struck. I'd rather have nothing at all be wrong than find out after the fact my cell phone remained idle whilst someone was struck, so I called for the local police department. The operator encouraged me to dial 911. Within a couple of minutes, a Tilton cruiser was headed in the opposite direction, siren on. Hopefully they found her and brought her to safety, hopefully they did so before someone picked her up, because as mentioned... do not think she was in very good shape.

May she be well tonight.

15 April 2008

I miss you

Last Friday evening was typical for the once biweekly deposit of my biweekly salary. I sat around here toying with the computer, about to make the short drive to my old home, this in order to drop off child support. I deliver. :) And the reason is simple: it is needed. It gets there immediately.

Last Friday night, in that time prior to leaving, proved anything but typical. A message flashed at the bottom of my screen. Hmmmm, is from K. I click to open... now the font she uses does not jive with the background I use, so in order to read the message, I have to highlight it... there are five short words.

"Dad, I really miss you."

You can stop a truck with those words. A breath. A heart. Mine.

Another line forms. "Would it be ok if I spend every other weekend at your house?"

You don't have to ask me twice.

Now for the record, my daughters are the only two people out of 6 plus billion on this planet who can call me 'dad' and have me totally kewl with that usage. They have the right. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks, don't care if they use the term in a restaurant (they have) they are my daughters. I love them unconditionally, they can call me what they wish.

This is a big step.  This is a big hurdle to overcome.  It won't be easy, because a week is a long time. A week after 5 years is a longer time. It takes readjustment to new circumstance to just make that first step. I have no idea if we do this this weekend, the weekend after, or a month from now. I've even been pondering wearing one of my iVillage hats with my hair tied back if that will ease the reconnection.

Sunday was spent cleaning up a room for her, moving furniture around, having it functional... and when she comes on over, we'll set to her putting a personal touch on things.

Is funny... I've really found a good place to help me move forward with life with reiki, and as I work with that (right now, I'm doing a session each night, and part of me could delve into it all day, such is the pull) along comes my daughter's request. Both have left me smiling, both have me smiling.

And funny... I miss her too. Does anyone have any idea what it will be like when I get out of my car seat, go to the passenger side and set, whilst she takes the wheel? I'm going to lose it, will lose my ability to guide to the liquefying of my vision, so she had better have good driving skills. :)

14 April 2008

Rush in my ear

Of those who might be identified as the last to be listening to Rush Limbaugh, I'd be right on that short list. Nelle listen to Limbaugh? Bwahahahaha!

And they would be right. Why then am I posting about listening to Rush? Because his voice is haunting me. It's in my headset at work.

Somehow the station that broadcasts his programme is filtering into our phone line, how I know not. I do know if my volume is turned up - for when I cannot hear a claimant very well - there is Rush ranting away.

Today he was ranting on something liberal, as per usual. And I had to fire back. Hey, Rush has 10 million listening, I have ten people reading. Sounds about even. ;-)

In that ranting Rush moment, I resolved to strike back tonight, in my own very inane and incomprehensible way. It goes something like this:

Hey Rush! Have you noticed, or has anyone pointed out to you that this nation is fucked up beyond all recognition, at least in this moment? Yanno, the old FUBAR acronym? Guess who fucked it up over the last eight years, Rush. Come on, guess. No, it wasn't Al Gore. Nope, not Bill Clinton. Jimmy Carter, geesh... what a reach! He was last president 27 years and change ago, Rush. The Democratic Congress? Only been 15 months on duty. What? Oh, the old Democratic Congress? The one that split in 1995 after the Contract On America? Har! Was that ever aptly named... little did we know then...

As a friend would say... Holy Batfarts, Robin! Hellooooooooooooo... see who has been president the last 7 point whatever years? And much of that time with a Congress in the hands of the GOP? My gosh, not even I could screw things up this bad, but hey... I've come close.

Rush, do you seriously think this nation needs another 4 years of this horror? By the end of that time, we'll have a war on two continents minimum, the economy will have morphed into world irrelevance, and we'll be fractured into 82 fiefdoms. I can't wait to see The Kingdom of Disneyworld on a new map. Hey, at least Mickey as royalty is better than some of the current royalty on the world stage.

I'm not even going to try to list the incredible dunderheaded fuck ups of the last 7 years. OK, make that 6.5... I was kewl with George through the Afghan invasion. He lost me when he started thinking the world was his to shove where he wished to shove it.

At this time, I'm politically discouraged. I've taken refuge from NPR, which is rather beloved to me... but the stuff is just too weighty and serious right now. I'm looking for feel good, for moving towards light. Sea change in my life post reiki. I've always been an optimist, but loved the news as well. I just don't wish to get so bogged down in the inaneness *the two Democrats* are exhibiting to let them take out where my spirit and mental doings currently reside. So it is music for me, and has been for over  two weeks now.

Only one problem remains... would someone please find a way to get Rush off my headset?

08 April 2008

Photo facial

Today was round two in the photo facial series.

For those who have not followed this trail, I have been undergoing electrology treatments since April 2003 at a school of electrology. (I had actually gone 4 years earlier, and stopped when objections were raised in our household.) Since that time, I've had some 450 hours of electrology.

During this time, the owner established a second business, an aesthetics school. Occasionally she brings in a qualified laser technician to teach laser use to her students. April is such a month, and when she has the tech in, she has me come down for treatment.

I've had virtually my entire body, excepting privates, zapped by the light. The last two sessions have been different, and not for hair removal - they are photo facials, designed to improve the appearance of my face post electrology. My skin is decent to begin with, but this does have a definite impact.

Today, I was first up. On the table, goggles on, gel applied to face - you know, that cold gel used on preggers bellies seemingly designed to torture? It is all over my face, and damn... this stuff is cold! Begins the zapping. All told, 68 pulses one direction, 69 the other, using two different methodologies. For those interested, this was IPL.

The pulses smart a tad, but once you adjust it is ok. The second round was not as painful as the first.

Once finished, the owner took a turn at being treated, her first try. She asked me to stay and watch what was done to me be applied to her. She was a bit surprised by the smart zaps...

my face is warm now, it feels like I've been in the sun all day... but it is not red.

So laser, round seven, is complete.

07 April 2008

Daily dyke - out of the old, a new lesbian message board

A quick note on daily dyke, one of three replacement boards that are the children of the technodyke forum closed at midnight, Pacific time 6 April 2008.

The board is in its nascent stage, but has been doing very well. It is active, it is fun, it is entertaining, it is informative. Come on over and pay a visit, you might stay around a while.

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